SO, we need to write something new for you to come back and read the news each and every day, ya? Well, today happens to be one of those days where there isn't much new to report...so we gotta write something, ya? How about we take you inside a day in the life at Roadrunner Records. this piece, by the way, is being co-written by sales & marketing guru Schap (yes, just like Madonna, except bald and male) & the Road Crew leader Ro (a.k.a. the brownsatan) November 15th, 2001 - ahhh, there was an air of excitement in the office today, caused by the anticipation of tonight's show of Dry Kill Logic and Ill Nino playing at the Limelight...which, by the way, is only about two blocks away from the office (and Marketing Matt chimes in "I still don't know where it is"). Since the bands are in town, members stopped by to greet the staff...and make fun of Schap's shirt. One person questioned, "Does Greg Brady know you raid his wardrobe?" Next, you have sales cat Lou running around saying "did you write about the Chimaira in store in Boston? They out sold Slayer and American Head Charge!" And then with a kiss of his fingers and throwing them to the air in front, he exclaims "FANTASTIC!" Of course, what day would be complete without the brownsatan's black marketing mass. That's right kids, Ro, the brownsatan was feeling unbelievably unholy tonight, what with the impending Slayer/Chimaira show coming up tomorrow. He came into work wearing his "SERVE SATAN" shirt on and his eyes gleaming with that demonic red that only the brownsatan has. His long goatee looked even longer and at the turn of every hour, the sounds of "SATAN IS LORD!" came emanating from his cubicle. It was eerie to say the least. He's always been an interesting cat, but today, he's in rare form. Every once in a while, his brownsatanic tendencies come out full force. I walked by his desk at one point and could feel the dark forces coming out of the ROAD CREW leader's cubicle. We all like the guy but seriously, he's kind of creepy at times. This past Monday, he was involved in a fucked up and totally unprecedented attack at Club Krome in South Amboy, NJ during the recent Chimaira show and since then, he's been more evil and pissed off than ever! While he was innocently watching one of his favorite bands, a bunch of steroid amped assholes decided to start punching innocent patrons of the club. He was an unfortunate victim as well. The next day, he came in and was more pissed off than ever, and with Slayer and Chimaira playing on Friday, his Brownsatanic tendencies completely sprouted. To be honest, we're all scared here. His usual black mass in our weekly marketing meeting disturbed us more than usual with him mumbling, "Satan will get you all..." under his breath. He's been capable of all sorts of crazy things but now, we can tell, the horror is about to begin. When he becomes the angry brownsatan, let the heavens tremble for the end is near...and the Slayer show hasn't even happened yet... (speaking of the brownsatan, keep checking back for the movie...coming to the site soon...seriously...) The Shirt Has Spoken